i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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