You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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