Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
