She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
