Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I didn't notice because vodka
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
i think im in europe. pls send help
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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