just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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