just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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