i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
