my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
