it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Terrible idea I love it
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
