just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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