she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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