Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
