but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Randomize
