Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
