he thought i was a dude.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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