I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Randomize