So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
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