I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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