What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
