Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
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