I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize