When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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