She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize
