Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
