currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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