I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
