Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize