I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
