when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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