she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
