i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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