It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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