I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I will be naked everywhere
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
