Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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