she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
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