You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize