YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
