dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
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