so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
