I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
All I want is dick and wine.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize
