He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
