you told grandpa to call you daddy
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
