What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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