just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
