She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
