Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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