Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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