I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
i've created a new STD.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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