no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
