Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
