oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
