The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
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