I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
