Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
