Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
