PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
