it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
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