help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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