last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize