this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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