I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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