I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
