I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize