Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
