I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
