When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Randomize
