Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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