The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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