So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
