babies were throwing up all over the place
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
