you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
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