That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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