Joe is yelling at the trees again.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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