All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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