you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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