well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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