You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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