I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
