Do you still have your period?
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
