he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
