I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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