Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
