Do you still have your period?
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
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