I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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