My underwear smells like fireworks.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
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