Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
