does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
