are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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