that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize