it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
