I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
i think i scared a bird with my dick
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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