Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
