Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
