i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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