fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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