We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
