I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Randomize
