I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Randomize
