So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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