i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
