Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
