I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
