Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
