is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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